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He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because Oct31 == Dec25 !
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
After I\'m dead I\'d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.
The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Maybe this world is another planet\'s Hell.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
Opportunities multiply as they are seized.
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Why don\'t you write books people can read?
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
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Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Object-oriented programming is an exceptionally bad idea which could only have originated in California.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
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The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
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I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Blessed is the man, who having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Future historians will be able to study at the Jimmy Carter Library, the Gerald Ford Library, the Ronald Reagan Library, and the Bill Clinton Adult Bookstore.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
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Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
I just bought a Mac to help me design the next Cray.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.
There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
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Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Mr. Wagner has beautiful moments but bad quarters of an hour.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
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We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
I\'m not a member of any organized political party, I\'m a Democrat!
If you can count your money, you don\'t have a billion dollars.
Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
Louis Pasteur\'s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.
Mother-in-law = A woman who destroys her son-in-law\'s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:27
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